I am learning how to love myself, so that I can find the right person to love me. Over the past years, I have done a lot of self-reflection. I was aware of my insecurities. I acknowledged my personality flaws and put forth an effort to fix them. I always kept my hair done and dressed really nicely. With all of that, there was one still thing that caused me to be insecure and have self doubt. That thing was my smile. Although, my smile bothered me, I only considered doing something about it. I never took the steps to actually improve the one thing that was causing me to have so much low self-esteem. One day, I took my children to the dentist for their annual cleanings. My oldest son was in the chair, while my younger son was sitting next to me. He looks up at me and he asked, “Mommy, why does your teeth look like that?” I was completely stunned and utterly embarrassed. I know kids say the darndest things, but because my teeth were already a big insecurity, I took this thing my child said to heart. My child didn’t mean any harm. He’s just a kid, but the mere fact that he was aware of my teeth, made me take action. I decided to get my teeth fix. I didn’t want this one thing holding me back any longer. This was the beginning of my journey to helping me accomplish my goal of really loving myself. At 40 years old, I got Invisalign braces. People asked me, why I was getting my teeth fixed at this age? I told them, I was doing it for me. I wanted to love my smile as well as the skin I am in. I figured out, you have to love yourself, before anybody else can love you. You should do whatever it takes to make that happen.
Self-confidence is very important but it is no small feat. I grew up in a home where my parents treated everyone of their children with love. They encouraged and supported us in all of our endeavors. They didn’t show favoritism. We grew up knowing that they were proud of us. Even with all of that, I still ended up having to work daily on my self-confidence. I had the foundation, but I felt insecure about differences that I had compared to the other children. I had a darker complexion than the other three children. My parents taught us that all skin colors were beautiful but I knew that other people didn’t think that was the case. In school all of the lighter skinned girls got all of the attention. I had grown-ups associated with our family, refer to me as the little dark one. This made me feel like my darker skin was a bad thing. I would tell people that I am cute, but my sister is the pretty one because she had lighter skin. These things were in the back of my mind as I grew older and then other insecurities started to surface. I only grew to be 5’1, so now not only was I darker than everyone else in my family, but I was also short. My teeth began to get crooked, so now I was ashamed of my once beautiful smile. I walked around feeling bad about myself and that was hindering me in my every day life. I realized that I needed to be confident in who I was no matter what. I had to appreciate and love the skin I was I in. I had to accept the fact that I was short and use it to my advantage. I also realized, I could fix my smile. So I did. I can now honestly say that I have confidence. I love who I am. I don’t worry if people accept me or not. Those who should be in my life, will accept me and those who don’t accept me, won’t be in my life. So my advice is to always be confident in who your are. Love yourself no matter what. Accept your flaws, even if you can’t change them. Once you do this, you will attract the right people in your life and the right doors with open up for you.
Today is my mother’s 67th birthday. She succumbed to breast cancer after being in remission at the young age of 60. My mom was truly my best friend and the best role model a daughter could have. She taught me how to be a good mother, how to have a forgiving heart, how to care about people and how to love unconditionally. She showed me what a great wife looked like, although I did not choose the right husband, she still taught me.
My mother was a Pastor, but I could still talk to her about anything and she would give me the best advice. She didn’t mince words but her correction and advice was still filled with love. She put others before herself and gave her last to those in need. The overprotective side of me, would sometimes feel like she was being used and I would tell her that. She understood but she couldn’t help being who she was. She loved with her whole heart. Even when people hurt her, she still loved them anyway. She definitely knew the meaning of unconditional love. She didn’t hold people’s mistakes against them but she encouraged them along the way. My mom was everything I aspire to be. I miss her and love her so much. Happy Birthday mom!
Why did I write my book “The Match Disaster”? I was in a terrible marriage for a number of years and after it finally ended, I honestly didn’t think I would ever get into another relationship again. To my surprise, I found someone that I thought was the love of my life. In the beginning of our relationship he treated me the way I should have been treated by my ex-husband.
As our relationship continued, things began to change between us. I began to realize the relationship I thought was perfect was so imperfect. I began to see that I deserved to be treated way better than this man was treating me. He was treating me better than my ex-husband ever treated me, but he was still treating me poorly at times. When we finally broke up, it inspired me to write a book to inspire others. Often times we settle for a little bit of happiness because of the events that has happened in our lives, however we all deserve to be loved completely and treated with respect.
The goal of this book is to bring to light the subtle ways we can be treated in relationships that is not quite right and to encourage somebody to get out of that type of relationship. Women especially need to know they are worth more than what they are getting in an unhealthly relationship and that they deserve the best out of their partner at all times.