Communication, compromise and trust are the three main things you need to have a successful relationship. If you don’t have all three, your relationship will not work. These three things work together in a committed relationship. They complement each other like you should complement your significant other.
You should be able to communicate openly and honestly with your partner. You need to be able to agree to disagree on things and have healthly and honest conversations with each other. If either partner don’t feel comfortable communicating their feelings, the relationship will eventually end in disaster. You don’t want a situation where your partner just shuts down and hides their feelings.
Comprising in a relationship is just as important as communication. Often times a common ground has to be found and it is ok to figure out what works best for both people. The relationship can’t be one sided. It can’t be all about you or all about your significant other.
Without trust in a relationship, your relationship is what I like to call “DOA”. There is no point in continuing a relationship when there is no trust in it. You can have the best communication and comprise often, but if you don’t trust your partner, your relationship will fail. You can’t bring issues from previous relationships into your current relationship and use that as an excuse not to fully trust your partner. Give your partner the trust they deserve, but if you find them untrustworthly, then you should not continue the relationship.
I participate in a weekly challenge to create visualizations in Tableau using datasets that are posted on a site called MakeOver Monday. The dataset varies and can be on any subject, including sports and world events. This week the dataset was based on abuse against women in Afganistan. It was amazing to me to see how accepted abuse remains in these countries. It was even more disturbing that women feel that it is normal. Depending on the country, there was actually a higher percentage of women than men that thought this was acceptable behavior by their husbands.
I felt badly that these women do not know their self-worth and that they do not know they do not deserve this type of behavior. Women in the younger age range were the mostly likely demographic to accept this behavior even more, which made sense because they were married very young and don’t know what life could be like without someone treating them so horribly.
I don’t think abuse is acceptable under any circumstances, whether it be physical or verbal abuse. Ladies you not deserve for a man to treat you badly or beat you for any reason. As women we often accept these circumstances because we want love so badly, or we just don’t know how to escape the person who supposed to love us. It is important to find a way out of this type of situation and love yourself more than you love the person that is hurting you.
I have learned some things in my life regarding relationships and finding the right person that compliments you. One of my life lessons is accepting that a person is who they are. When a person shows you a side of themselves that is not so flattering, don’t make excuses for their behavior, but understand that the behavior is a part of that person’s personality. You will most likely encounter this same type of behavior over and over again. If the behavior is disturbing in any way, speak up and let you partner know how you feel. If they don’t care about your feelings then they are most likely not the person for you.
You definitely can’t change a person, but they should care enough about you that they don’t want to hurt you or make you feel bad. Accepting someone’s flaws are all fine and good, unless they are hurting you. You should never be in a relationship where you are intentionally or consistently hurt. It is not healthy for you and it is not right for you.
My new book, The Match Disaster, was officially released yesterday. I already received my first sale. It was my boss at my day job. He came down to my office with my book in his hand and asked me to autograph it. He had a very proud look on his face. It really made my day. When I initially told him, I wrote a book and the subject matter, he told me he would buy the book to support me, but he would most likely not read it because it wasn’t the type of book he normally read. But today, he told me he will be spending his weekend reading my book. I am so flattered.
When you care about someone it is very hard to say no in your relationship. You find yourself allowing things to happen that you don’t necessarily agree with. You should feel comfortable enough in your relationship to tell your partner how you really feel. If you can’t express yourself to your partner with honesty and without feeling guilty then you are in the wrong relationship.