Have you ever been a relationship where it felt like your partner was keeping a scorecard? They did things for you. They took you out on dates. They brought you gifts for no reason at all. It seemed like they were doing all of these things because they were your partner. You thought they were doing these things because they loved and adored you. Then the moment came when they threw those very things back in your face. It turned out they weren’t doing these acts just because they cared about you and wanted you to know that you were special to them. It definitely doesn’t feel good when somebody constantly reminds you of all of the things they have done for you and all the things that you have neglected to do for them in return.
I was in that type of relationship. I am not a materialistic person at all. I am actually a giver. I prefer to give than to receive and sometimes people take advantage of that. It felt pretty good when I met someone that I thought was just as giving as I was. He would do special things for me all of the time. I didn’t ask for any of these things. I reciprocated as much as I could, but it ended up not being enough in his eyes. It offended me when he brought up the things he did for me and how I wasn’t living up to what he expected from me. It tainted all of the things that he previously did. I thought he did those things from his heart, but that wasn’t the case. I didn’t want him to think that I was using him, so I started to do more. I started to feel like he was always keeping track of who was doing what. I didn’t want to be made to feel bad about anything that he might do for me, so I always made sure I did as much for him or more. Of course, this was not sustainable for me. After the relationship ended, I realized that this was an unhealthy situation. When two people love each other, they do things for each other and they don’t keep score. When you really do something from your heart, it doesn’t matter if you receive something in return. A healthy relationship doesn’t have a scorecard.