I had no idea that I was most likely in a toxic relationship with a narcissist until after I released my book The Match Disaster. My main character had a lot of the characteristics of someone I was dating. It wasn’t until I received a review declaring the main character in my book a narcissist that I started to analyze whether the person I was dating really had narcissistic tendencies. I mean I wouldn’t even have considered this person to be anything close to a narcissist when I was dating him. In case you are wondering if you are dating a narcissist below are some of their characteristics:

Superiority and Entitlement – the need to be the best, the need to always be right, the need to do everything their way

The need for attention

Perfectionism – everything has to be perfect or done perfectly

Need for Control

Lack of responsibility – Blaming or deflecting – when things don’t go their way they blame others

Lack of boundaries – they don’t like to be told no

Lack of empathy – they have a hard time understanding other’s feelings. They are unapologetic, never remorseful and never feel guilty.

Perceiving everything as a threat

Emotional reasoning – when you try to explain to them how they hurt you, they don’t understand, they are only aware of their thoughts and feelings

Splitting – they only see things as good and bad. There is no in between.

Fear of rejection and ridicule

Anxiety – they deflect their feelings of anxiety on you by accusing you of being unsupportive, not putting them first and being selfish

Inability to be truly vulnerable

Inability to communicate and work as part of a team

After looking at all of these qualities, I can honestly say my ex definitely had quite a few narcissistic tendencies. Now I have a better understanding of some of the events that happened in our relationships and why I couldn’t seem to get through to him, when I was hurt or feeling rejected. He was never going to get it, because his personality didn’t allow it.

The reference article for the narcissistic qualities is called 15 Signs You’re Dealing With A Narcissist by By Margalis Fjelstad, Ph.D., LMFT.